My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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