The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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