oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
