I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
