my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
