I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
