Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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