I'm lost and stupid without you.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
