those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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