I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The beers last night were like the tears from god
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
