just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
