Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
