I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Couch. On fire.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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