So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
