the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
