my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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