I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
