a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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