found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
