I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
