pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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