MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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