I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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