it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
