You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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