Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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