you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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