If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
