My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
