I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
