Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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