Sponge bath it is.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
