I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
