he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
