new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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