her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
