Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
