wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
