where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Help me help you realize you are a moron
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
