At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
