eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Can I color on your dick again?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
