That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
