Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
