it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
