I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
