I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
