so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
