i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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