Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Vodka?
Forever.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
