Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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