getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
