There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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