oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Mom said you looked used
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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